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By now, you know that former Phillies outfielderLenny Dykstra was arrested over the weekend on charges of grand theft auto and also faces bankruptcy fraud charges. And I’m very excited at the mere idea that if he's found guilty, I'd finally get to call him a scumbag and a degenerate without my editors asking me to avoid those terms.
Anyway, more details have come out about the disgraced star since his arrest, so let’s run it all down for you in one post. It’s a concentrated shot of Dykstra bundled up tightly just for you:
-- Lenny’s brother Brian told the Daily News that “he's got to pay for what he did.” Dykstra, shown in the above video comparing himself to Gandhi (I’m told both men liked to dip), allegedly owes Brian $12,000 stemming from charges of unpaid work time. Dykstra’s other brother, Kevin, alleges the star owes him even more than that, upwards of $4 million. According to ESPN, Dykstra also once borrowed $23,000 from his mother and never bothered to pay it back.
-- TMZ is claiming that Dykstra has been trying to get CBS to rehire Charlie Sheen for “Two and a Half Men.” The report alleges that Dykstra (who reportedly also once acted as middleman in helping the actor buy a house) contacted famed lawyer Dan Petrocelli to help smooth things out between the violent torpedo of truth and Warner Bros., which produces the show. This apparently occurred “with Sheen’s blessing,” which means Sheen has gone even further off the deep end than we first assumed.
-- New Yorker reporter Ben McGrath says Dykstra’s bail is reportedly set at $500,000. But I’m sure his mom is good for it.
It’s fitting that Dykstra and Sheen would be linked because both men seem to be overcome by a kind of delusional narcissism that’s staggering in its totality. Neither man ever done anything wrong in life. Everything is someone else’s fault. The glaring lack of self-awareness should serve as a warning sign to everyone out there. If you don’t think critically of yourself, if you’re unwilling to look in the mirror and own up to your shortcomings, then this is your future. And it ain’t a pretty one.