Ramsey Gets Autographed Phillies Ball, Huge Raise

New Chicago mayor Rahm “The Ballbreaker” Emanuel has spent the past three weeks wooing Philadelphia police chief Charles H. Ramsey to come to his town and help bust some heads. Ah, but never underestimate the power of giving someone a free autographed Phillies baseball. Philly mayor Michael Nutter was able to get Ramsey to stick around when he gave the commish a ball signed by the Phillies starting pitching rotation. Oh, and an extra $60,000 in salary:

Mayor Nutter also presented Ramsey with an official baseball signed by Lee and the other four Phillies starting pitchers.

That was when Ramsey beamed with appreciation, dropping his usual stoic demeanor.

Really? He was more excited by the baseball than he was by the gigantic pay raise? I hope he’s aware that $60,000 can buy MANY autographed Phillies baseballs. I’m glad he’s police commissioner and not the city treasurer. Anyway, it’s heartening to know that Phillies merchandise has more selling power than either Cubs or White Sox trinkets. Because you know Rahm had a duffel bag full of old Ron Kittle jerseys just ready to lavish upon Mr. Ramsey.

Now, everything I know about police commissioners comes from watching the “The Wire,” so I’m happy to blindly assume that giving Ramsey an extra sixty large is completely unnecessary. HOWEVAH, I do think there’s a great deal of promise in using Phillies merchandise to help attract and retain talented municipal employees. We could lure great teachers to the city by offering them vintage Mike Schmidt cards. We could give garbage collectors a signed John Kruk jersey in lieu of a Christmas bonus. Think of the savings!

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