The rumors and jokes may never let up, but a former Moorestown, N.J. cop accused of having sex with cows, won't have to worry about any animal cruelty charges because a grand jury couldn't figure out how, exactly, five cows would feel about such an experience.
Grand jurors apparently considered whether the calves were "tormented" or "puzzled" when Robert Melia, Jr. allegedly gave the animals a taste of his private parts, according to the Philadelphia Daily News.
The Superior Court Judge who dismissed the cruelty charges, explained that while it's pretty safe to say children seem comforted when they're given something to suck on, like a pacifier, it's hard to know how a cow might react, emotionally.
"They [children] enjoy the act of suckling," said Superior Court Judge James L. Morley. "Cows may be of a different disposition."
Jurors didn't get to see any of the videos prosecutors say they have of Melia and some Southampton bovines in the act.
"I think any reasonable juror could infer that a man's penis in the mouth of a calf is torment," Assistant County Prosecutor Kevin Morgan argued at Wednesday's hearing, according to the report. "It's a crime against nature," Morgan said.
"I'm not saying it's OK, Judge Morley countered. "This is a legal question for me. It's not a question of morals."
Melia and an ex-girlfriend are also accused of sexually assaulting three young girls.
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