WARNING: The following conversation is rated R, due to graphic language. This may NOT be suitable for dates under three.
You’re at a restaurant and you can’t help but overhear the conversation between a guy and a girl in a nearby booth. Based on the convo, it’s pretty obvious they’re on a first date and you can’t help but cringe every time you hear something that you feel may be inappropriate for an initial meeting. Discretion is completely thrown out the window and you’re hearing topics ranging from: my ex-BEEP, I always had a problem with BEEP, in the last election I voted for BEEP because of their strong stance on BEEP or while in college I got a little crazy and BEEPED with two BEEPS in one night.
Now by definition, disclosure is simply the act or process of revealing or uncovering something, suggesting that individuals often make sound decisions by using limited information.
So the question is, how much information about yourself do you divulge when you first start dating?
Matt:
Early on there is such a thing as T.M.I. (too much information). There are so many topics (other than ex's, politics and religion) that you can talk about without delving into something that might have them saying “check please.”
Keep it light. No need to get into the heavy stuff. However, if there are certain subjects that are important to you, just skim the surface. Don't dig too deep.
On the other hand -- for all the single parents -- you shouldn't avoid topics when it comes to your kid(s). Be up front and get it out in the open because even if you make this great connection, withholding that little nugget for a couple of dates will leave your potential love feeling betrayed and in the end they’ll probably walk away. You'll be setting yourself up for failure, so don't waste your time -- or theirs. You have to take a chance at the start.
Steph:
Clearly there are certain topics that may be of interest from the jump, but tread lightly or not at all on the first date.
No matter how great YOU think you are, no one wants to spend an entire evening listening to you go on and on about yourself. Many find confidence extremely attractive, but leave all that cockiness at the door.
Willing to lay everything out on the table? Don’t! Nobody wants to hear you have 11 fingers or nine toes! Save the quirks for down the road, that’s if you even make it that far.
Religion can be an interesting topic that doesn’t necessarily have to be avoided. If that’s high on your list for dealmakers/breakers, it’s worth having the discussion up front.
Bottom line, don’t ask something you really don’t want to know the answer to and don’t mind answering yourself once the tables have turned.
Do you have a dating dilemma? Send Stephanie and Matt your story and questions and you may be featured on the next installment of Save the Date.
