Papelbon Promises Annoying Cinco Ocho Alter Ego

Say kids, do you like Chad Ochocinco? Say kids, do you like Clinton Portis? No? You hate aging athletes who mask their on-field deficiencies with “colorful” media antics? Well, do I have a treat for you! Seems new Phillies closer Jonathan Papelbon is taking a cue from the Media Sideshow playbook and promising reporters a whole new alter ego:

It would be a chance to see Cinco Ocho, the pitcher's self-proclaimed alter ego who takes on the Spanish name for his uniform number, 58.

"Yeah, he was out there," Papelbon said. "Did you see him?"

Papelbon said at some point Cinco Ocho will also make a clubhouse appearance with reporters present.

I have no issue with athletes being goofy or doing stuff like this. The problem is that most athletes are, without questions, unfunny. Terrifically unfunny. And they all THINK they’re downright hilarious. Shaq really does think he’s the funniest man alive, and he so isn’t. Now Papelbon is trying to make himself into a personality, and not only will it not be funny, but it will also be derivative. You’re borrowing from Ocho Cinco? Really? That’s so boring. Can’t you invent your own tired, hacky schtick? Nothing good will come from this.

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