NFC East Week 7 Recap: Enter Dallas Week

The Giants beat the sleeping Rams, Washington replicated the Eagles in Detroit, and the Cowboys former QB showed off his soon-to-be-former house. Here’s a look at what happened during Week 7 in the NFC East:

New York Giants

What Happened: The Giants took part in the NFL’s weekly crime against America; a football game in London. In the Battle of Bad Facial Hair, Brian McAdoo’s squad snuck away with a 17-10 lead over Jeff Fisher’s Los Angeles Rams, and it was about as impressive as a new season of “The Simpsons.” (It’s an accomplishment, I won’t argue that, but let’s not make it out to be some sort of minor miracle).

Philadelphia Eagles

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The Giants fell into an early 10-0 hole, but scored 17 straight over the last three quarters in a game about as exciting as The American Crossword Puzzle Tournament. The hero for New York was safety Landon Collins, who had two interceptions. One went for a touchdown that tied the game at 10 (and is, admittedly, much more fun to watch in German), while the other came with just over 12-minutes remaining, which would put Big Blue in position for the game-winning touchdown.

The Giants offense did little to build confidence in McAdoo’s system, however. Victor Cruz had some drops, Odell Beckham didn’t do enough to warrant some silly antic with the kicking net, and Eli Manning biggest impact was by acting as Donald Trump’s best surrogate. Look out, Kellyanne Conway, Eli’s got you on the hot seat!

Meanwhile, at the fear of sounding too #MAGA, the games in the U.K. really aren’t fair to the fans here in the Colonies. Every season, numerous teams (and fans) are sacrificing a home game to help “grow the game globally,” a.k.a. “Try to find new ways to make the owners money.” One of these years, it’s gonna be the Birds who are going to play a “home game” at Twickenham or Piccadilly or Mary Poppin’s Field rather than the Linc, and that’s gonna be some bull. How it is fair that one team loses home field advantage while another gets a game at a neutral field? When the NFL calls for a referendum on this Brexit, you can bet I’m voting STAY. #Topical.

On a serious note, the mother of cornerback Eli Apple, Annie Apple, took Giants owner John Mara to task for his nonchalant response to kicker Josh Brown’s domestic abuse case.  Considering I’m terrified to even sneeze too harshly around my boss, the fact that Apple would go public with her feelings at the risk of her son’s employment is in itself brave. Her experience as a victim of domestic abuse, and how she’s overcome it, is truly heroic. Definitely worth a read. 

What It Means: For the first time this season, the Giants followed the script they drew up over the offseason. The defensive front-four put pressure on the QB, which translated into turnovers. The offense spread the ball around (Cruz, OBJ, and rookie Sterling Shepard each had five catches a piece). And the Giants, despite falling into an early hole, stuck tough and walked out with a victory on the “road.” That takes #GUTS.

<Insert sarcastic applause here>

While the optimists in New York may take this as a sign their team is coming together, the more likely explanation is that the team from Los Angeles was suffering from being EIGHT HOURS BEHIND THEIR NATURAL TIME ZONE. Kickoff was at 6:30 A.M. Los Angeles Time. Instead of uniforms, the Rams should have been given pajama onesies.

And while some in New York would like to paint Collins as the NEXT GREAT GIANTS DEFENDER, let’s not act like this isn’t anything more than a testament against Rams quarterback Case Keenum.  Both picks came off tips, for the record, and floated so high that even the Eagles wide receivers wouldn’t have dropped them. Keenum had two other INTs to former Iggle Dominique Rodgers-Cromartie, and we all know he’s not bound for Canton.

What’s Next: Once again, an NFC East rival will get a bye week before facing the Birds. That’ll be followed up by games against the Bengals, Bears, and Browns, so it’s incredibly conceivable Eli & Co. have a bit of a winning streak ahead of them.

Washington

What Happened: Remember when the Iggles choked the game away to Detroit in Week 5? Well Matt Stafford and Co. came to return the favor. The Lions had an impressive two-minute drive that cullminated in an 18-yard touchdown pass to Anquan Boldin with 16-seconds remaining, handing Washington a 20-17 defeat.

The story was almost Kirk Cousins, who led Washington on a game-altering nine-play touchdown drive just moments before to take the lead. Had Washington held on, Cousins the Comeback Kid would have been the focus, and not the number of erratic overthrows, or the lost fumble in the 3rd quarter, or the near-interception in the 2nd quarter, or the near interception in the 4th quarter, either. No, the story would have been Cousins, and the high-level of football he provided for an amazing one quarter on Sunday. Thankfully, the YOU LIKE THAT vine’s were left in the draft folder.

The Goat for D.C. was running back Matt Jones, who makes Ryan Matthews seem as secure as Al Gore’s lockbox. Jones had two fumbles in the first quarter alone, losing one in the Lion’s endzone on a drive that should have at least netted Washington three points. Then, for good measure, Jones fumbled in Lions territory deep into the third. That’s probably the last we’ll see of Jones for a while; trust is hard.

Meanwhile, Jamison Crowder is everything Iggles fans want Josh Huff to be, and he’ll likely be the reason DeSean Jackson’s D.C. home will be up for sale this summer.

What It Means: Jay Gruden’s team can leave Detroit with the same mindset Doug Pederson’s did; they can convince themselves they were the better team, that they shot themselves in the foot, and that on a more fundamentally-sound Sunday, they come away with the victory.

Sure, if Josh Norman wasn’t out with a concussion, maybe they don’t give up the final score. Maybe if Jones didn’t spend the afternoon doing an early-career Tiki Barber impression, this whole day would be different. Maybe if Blockbuster had started live-streaming in 2006, they’d still be in business. Maybe, maybe, maybe.

This team followed an 0-2 start with a four-game winning streak. This Washington squad is as confusing as trying to figure out how to turn the lights on in a hotel room. Is it the switches on the walls or the knobs under the shades? WHICH ONE IS IT!? 

Also, Washington LT Trent Williams hurt his left knee, though all indications are it isn’t significant. That being said, Williams is arguably the team’s offensive MVP, and an extended absence would hurt this squad bigly.

What’s Next: Washington gets a “home” game against Cincinnati in London next week, which as previously mentioned, is as fair as a carnival game. They’ll follow that up with games against the Vikings, Packers, Cowboys, and Cardinals, a month-long stretch that should shine some clarity on the type of team this is. 

Dallas Cowboys

What Happened: The Dallas Cowboys were on a bye this past weekend, which means an overload of hot takes on what the team should do when Tony Romo comes back. Also, fun stories about what the Cowboys players did on their week off. Here’s some photos of the house Romo is gonna sell when he’s cut and signed by the Bears next season. Neat!

Also, Dez Bryant looks like he’s ready to play this week, which is frightening considering the Birds total lack of depth at cornerback.  Maybe he’ll throw a temper-tantrum about something mundane and get ejected. Or maybe he’ll just throw a temper-tantrum. Probably just the latter.

Honestly, an NFL weekend without the Cowboys is like a Star Wars movie without Darth Vader (or, for us more recent nerds, a GoT without Cersei). We want the villain. We NEED the villain. Just so long as that villain is defeated in the most soul-crushing, gut-wrenching, humiliating way possible. We’re not savages, after all.

So let’s reverse the order a bit here now, and skip too….

What’s Next: EAGLES!! In case you hadn’t heard, the 5-1 Dallas Cowboys play host to the 4-2 Philadelphia Eagles in a game that will shape the course and destiny of the NFC East for approximately six days, depending on what Washington does that morning.

What It Means: Everything! If the Cowboys deliver another convincing victory -- or any sort of victory, that is -- they has righteous claim not just to Best-Team-in-the-Division, but Best-Team-in-the-Conference, and local beat bloggers will start counting the games necessary to clinch home field advantage.

On the flip side, if the Eagles come away with a road upset -- and it would be an upset, mind you -- they have righteous claim to Best-Team-in-the-Division, despite being humiliated by Washington just fourteen days prior. Plus, bloggers like myself will be able to fire up our favorite “What’s More Overrated: the Dallas Cowboys or ‘The Walking Dead’” Hot Takes. Dak Prescott vs. Rick Grimes, what suspense!!

Unfortunately, this game is on paper WAY more important for the Eagles than it is for ‘dem Boys. A loss drops the Birds two games behind the divisional lead (not to mention 0-2 vs. the NFC East), and puts Dallas in full control of a division that doesn’t quite seem as good as the combined 17-9 record suggests. 

The Eagles season won’t end this Sunday, no matter the result. But it most certainly may feel like it. 

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