It's the night you'd been waiting for. After several dates and increasingly flirty conversation, she's agreed to come back to your crib. The candles are lit, the wine is flowing, your "Gettin' the Booty" iPod playlist is working its way through the speakers, and after a few minutes of couch calisthenics she excuses herself to "get into something more comfortable." She comes back wearing significantly less than she had on before, and unveils her new ... Ed Hardy Intimates lingerie. Someone please cue the needle scratching across the record.
It's bad enough you have to put up with the d-bag at the club wearing the matching Ed Hardy jeans, shirt, hat and belt, but now there's a chance your gal might be wearing this fashion abomination close to her nether regions. In fact, if the marketing brains behind Ed Hardy are looking for help with a slogan for their new line, here's a suggestion -- Ed Hardy Intimates: The Anti-Viagra.
The company has been throwing fashion shows all over the country to promote their lingerie line. Usually in this space we suggest events around town that we think you should check out, but if nobody attends one of these shows, we won't be disappointed. Better yet, maybe someone could organize demonstrations and picket lines in front of the clubs that host the events. Or, perhaps we can convince Steve Dahl to organize an Ed Hardy Clothing Demolition Night.
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Either way, we think Mr. Hardy's time is up (please see Von Dutch). But on second thought, maybe he's actually doing us guys a favor, because if the Green Heart Skull Boyshort is the last thing you see before doing the horizontal boogie with this girl -- you can't claim later that you weren't warned.