Weight. It's not just an issue for fatty, fatty, fat fat SEC West fans. It's an issue for football coaches, too, with pretty good reason: they have high-stress jobs which require they all but live in their offices, surrounded by people who either need to be fat for work, or can eat whatever they want because they're sweating out triplets at two-a-days.
Philadelphia's own Andy Reid is pleasantly plump, and he is not alone. But he is unlike colleague Rex Ryan, who's just unpleasantly plump trying to be unpleasantly skinny and horrifying everyone. And he is also unlike frump buddy Tony Sparano, whose salad-and-tire-tipping regimen now has him looking like a bit player from C.H.I.P.S.
No, rather than undergo gastric bypass or do anything obvious about his statuesque figure, Andy Reid, like so many overweight American teenagers, has retreated to his basement to enjoy a digitally skinny Andy Reid in an alternate virtual football reality, which he strategically shares with his wife.
Last year, Philadelphia Eagles coach Andy Reid asked [director of athlete relations for EA Sports Sandy Sandoval to slim down his in-game avatar [in the Madden football video game], a little quid pro quo for introducing Sandoval to former "Madden" cover athlete Brett Favre.
"I just saw Andy at the owners meetings," Sandoval said. "He comes up to me and is like, 'Sandy, thanks for hooking me up. I saw myself in the game. My wife loves it. She loves looking at me skinny!'"
I don't even know what to say about this. The last thing I want to imagine is Andy Reid coming home at night with flowers and a Playstation. It's actually both sweet and endearing -- he's fat like everyone else, and just wants to look good for his wife -- but the idea that anyone would do a favor in order to meet Brett Favre is absolutely horrifying. Who is this Sandy Sandoval? Where has he been? Is an intervention necessary?
Absolutely. And soon we can have one, in a Second Life environment created by a digitally svelte Andy Reid. It's only a matter of time.