I saw “Commando” roughly 97 times when I was a kid, which explains why I’m such an angry and violent man today. I wouldn’t have it any other way. “Commando” is the ultimate Arnold movie. It features Arnold tossing off brutal one-liners. It has a great “getting geared up to go kill people” scene. It has Arnold indiscriminately killing hundreds and hundreds of bad guy henchman. And it has Alyssa Milano. It’s as if the film was crafted by God himself.
And now, Fox dares to go there and remake this holy shrine of senseless killing and unrealistic machine gun fire dodging. From Mike Fleming at Deadline:
20th Century Fox is going Commando again, setting David Ayer to write and direct a reboot of the 1985 film that became one of the building blocks that transformed Arnold Schwarzenegger from bodybuilder to superstar. Erwin Stoff and John Davis will produce the new version.
Ayer was behind brutally violent movies like “Training Day” and “Harsh Times,” so that’s a good sign. But let’s face it, the director means nothing here. What matters is who plays the lead. “Commando” is such an Arnold movie that it’s impossible to think of anyone who is not Arnold occupying the role. And it’s certainly hard to think of anyone from this current generation of acting talent doing it. R-Pattz? Lautner? Shia? John Cena? Pleasepleaseplease, don’t let that happen.
I think we know what needs to be done here. We must travel to a former Eastern Bloc country, scout all the Gold’s Gyms, and look for the guy who does the most steroids and has the thickest accent. I’ll take Fritz Heilenbelenbergerschifter any day over some currently known weakling.