PSA: If You Win the Powerball, Collect It

Powerball is the second highest it’s been in two years at a whopping $222 million. But if the flakes who never collected their winnings in Cumberland County, Pa., suddenly wake up and smell the cash, the Powerball total could diminish by $400,000 tomorrow, says the Philadelphia Inquirer.

They’re not the only flakes in the game. Powerball is still waiting for someone to claim half of a $174.4 million jackpot won on Feb. 28 by a ticket purchased at Plymouth Meeting Mall.

What the holy heck local lottery players? I know who you are. You are the people who make me stand in line for what seems to be hours at the 7-11s, the corner news stands, and the local delis while you prattle off your kids’ birthdates, your anniversary dates, the arrival date of the next Halley’s Comet, and who knows what else, and then YOU DON’T EVEN COLLECT YOUR MONEY?

Isn’t that kind of the point?

So consider this your public service announcement: If you buy into any part of the $222 million up for grabs until 11 p.m. tonight, figure out if grandma’s colonoscopy date was in fact the winning number of the day and collect it.

Otherwise, stop wasting my time in WaWa lines.

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