The Opponent: The Chicago Bears, a.k.a. Da Bears, a.k.a. that joke was played out two decades ago, a.k.a. Mr. Cutler’s Funtime Frowny Interception Store.
Record: 7-3. Tied for first in the NFC North with the Packers. This despite playing in three of the worst football games ever played (at MIA, vs. WAS, and at the Giants). Those three games set the sport of football back at least nine decades, give or take.
The Line: Eagles by 3.5. Road favorites! GAH!
Last Game: A 16-0 whitewashing of the Dolphins, who were without several key injured players and were forced to spend most of the game playing mannequins and very large plush toys.
The Coach: Lovie Smith. He’s awful, and he has no clue how to use a challenge flag. Yet he’s 7-3. There’s a kind of genius to that.
The Offense: Chicago still turns the ball over expertly. They’re so good at fumbling and getting picked off, they should issue some sort of instructional tape. You think you know how to be intercepted? Jay Cutler will show you a thing or two about what it means to be intercepted.
The Defense: If you can’t figure out how the Bears can be so hard to watch yet in first place, look no further. This defense has played brilliantly all year long, and particularly within the past two weeks. They rank third in overall yardage and are tied for first in scoring defense. This defense was also custom made to defend the likes of Michael Vick. Their lateral speed means they can keep Vick contained to the pocket, and their base Tampa Cover 2 scheme puts a lid on deep routes and could prevent Vick from doing that thing where he runs around for ten minutes and then throws a 60-yard bomb. I love that play.
Key Matchup: Vick vs. Brian Urlacher. Hey, look at that! Urlacher isn’t injured yet! Isn’t it high time he tore his leg in half for the ninth straight year?