When a boat collides with an iceberg, you know its time to abandon ship. When you smell smoke, you know there's a fire and you have to evacuate the building. But what happens when there's no dire emergency? It’s simply that your current relationship has you feeling the need to walk away. How do you handle the breakup when your mate hasn't done anything wrong, it’s just that they weren't the right one?
Matt:
Whatever the reason you have for running towards the exit sign, just try not to trample on what's left of your relationship on your way out. Remember, at one point you were in it 100-percent.
Decide first if it’s a phase or a rut that you’re going through before you end it. Maybe things could bounce back and be the way they once were. If not, the worst thing you can do is try to pick a fight with your mate and then use that as an excuse to call the whole thing off or become distant so they start to take the hint that the end is near.
“Man up” – or in some cases “woman up" and do it once you know that your feelings have definitely changed. Just like removing a band-aid, it's going to hurt no matter if you rip it off fast or slowly peel back. The main thing to remember is that it has to happen. There’s never going to be the right time. So don't drag it on.
Once you grow a set, you have to figure out how to break it off. Do you do it face to face or over the phone? There has to be some human interaction -- they at least deserve that. Don't even think of sending some type of “Dear John” letter, text or email.
You can start with a phone call and say you’d like to talk, but you’d rather meet up in person. Give them the option to decide if they want to see you since they most likely know that conversation is going lead to a breakup. You'll totally blindside them if you don't give them a heads up or you stop over unexpected. They’re going to think it’s a regular date night, get ready to go out and then be really pissed.
When you get into the conversation, simply tell them your heart is not there. Don't mention that there’s someone else or there’s no attraction anymore. Keep it short so you don’t end up with your foot in your mouth. If not you'll find his/her foot somewhere else.
It all boils down to you not being in love. They're still going to hate you and you might have a voodoo doll named after you, but at least in your heart you did the right thing.
OUCH!!! What was that?!
Steph:
Any time feelings are invested, there’s always a chance for someone to get hurt. That’s simply the risk we take in love. So when one person decides it’s time to rock the boat or pull the plug altogether, don’t look at it as if the world’s coming to an end.
It doesn’t matter how bad you feel about being up front with the person you’re dating just because you don’t want to hurt his/her feelings. Suck it up. It’s worse going through the motions because you’re not doing anything more than playing with their emotions. Relationships are supposed to be built on trust and honesty. If you can’t be straight up with one another than you have no business being in a relationship together anyway.
There’s no such thing as the “perfect” time to tell someone you’re just not that into them or it’s time for you to part ways. Wake up from whatever fantasy land you’re living in because real life doesn’t operate that way
.
Life is too short. Stop cheating you or your mate out of a lifetime of happiness with someone else if deep down you’re certain the two of you aren’t meant to be. People get so wrapped up in the idea of being in love but when it comes down to it, may not be ready for the responsibilities and commitment that come with truly loving your mate.
When it comes to dealing with the split, don’t be afraid to be by yourself. You can function without having your other half attached at the hip. Of course it’ll be tough in the beginning, but don’t continuously dwell on what you think you did wrong. The finger doesn’t necessarily have to be pointed at anyone. Sometimes the chemistry just isn’t there.
One thing’s for sure, just because this battleship may have sunk doesn’t mean there’s not another one around the corner ready to set sail into the sunset with your true soul mate.
This Week's Question: What's the right way to break up with someone? Give us your best line on how to let your mate down easy.
