If you are under the age of 29, or consider yourself a hashtag millennial, then I can’t imagine this post will be of any interest to you. The title might as well be “NBA Flarfs are back!” But if you were born sometime between 1971 and 1986, the shooting pains you are suddenly feeling are called “heart palpitations,” and the best way to get rid of them is to immediately empty your bank account at basketballcaricaturetshirts.com.
Yes, NBA caricature t-shirts are back (Jack Sikma!) with all of your old favorites and so much more (helllloooooooo, Chuck Person!). There are the same Philly classics you pitted out in middle school, like Charles Barkley (including the Thump and Bump shirt with Rick Mahorn), Manute Bol (yep, Manute Bol) and Dr. J’s Last House Call shirt—which I believe was given out at the Spectrum on one night and one night only (although I could be wrong considering no fact-checking went into this article whatsoever).
Complete coverage of the Philadelphia 76ers and their rivals in the NBA from NBC Sports Philadelphia.
There’s also loads of other obscure shirts available too—ones that you would never have found at Gold Medal Sporting Goods in the Andorra shopping center. Like Pooh Richardson (on the Timberwolves), Bo Kimble (on the Clippers) and dorky white guys galore like Kelly Tripucka (Hornets), Kiki Vandeweghe (Knicks), Dork Rambis (Suns), Danny Ainge (barf), Vlade Divac (smells like a dish towel), Tom Chambers (watch that video at the end of this post), Mark Eaton (what a beard!) and of course, back-to-back NBA Champion, Chuck Daly (THE ORIGINAL CHUCK D).
I’m not sure why these shirts were so popular. I mean, yes I am, they combined the two things kids love most: sports and cartoons. If they had somehow incorporated Loni Anderson into the mix, I would’ve blown my nine-year-old brains out. But these jawns hit the market at just the right time, capitalizing on the 80’s Nike/Air Jordan/cool posters/Big League Chew/Tecmo Bowl/Dominique Wilkins’ haircut era, and taking advantage of the hundreds of thousands of suburban Jewish kids who needed ill isht to wear with their Umbros.
The sad thing is, you are no longer nine years old. And wearing a t-shirt—especially a t-shirt with Xavier McDaniel’s face on it—is not exactly socially acceptable. Besides, your standard outfit these days consists of a short-sleeved button down shirt with lightweight breathable EMS pants and all-grey New Balances. Your wife would FLIP OUT if you showed up to little Blayden’s birthday party rockin’ a fresh Alvin Robertson. But then again, if you are in your late thirties (ugh), or even worse, your FORTIES (see ya later, shin hair!), you are probably at a time of your life where you don’t really give a shit about anything. Plus, for the first time ever, you might actually have some disposable income rollin’ in. So why not blow it all on this Sleepy Floyd?!
So go ahead and peruse the site. The shirts are only $18 (which is NOT horrible). You can also check out some of the baseball shirts (Chris Sabo!) and football tees (legit never seen this Randall Cunningham “Superback” shirt in my life) while you’re at it. To be honest, the shirts look pretty shafty, as if they are just ironed on in some person’s basement in China. And there’s no way they’re legal. Noooooooooo shot. So if the site is shut down by the time you click on the link, I apologize.
But if you do click, and you do buy some new threads, random strangers will love you. Your wife will hate you. She will hate your fat, stupid face. But let’s face it, that lady hates everything. And I have yet to meet a divorced person who was not #LOVING #LYFE.
Happy shopping, everybody!