Well, it sure feels like we have enough information to jump to some hard-line conclusions, doesn’t it? Week 1 is in the books, with the Giants squeaking a W out in Dallas and Washington taking “a good, old-fashioned butt-whipping” at home against the Steelers. Here’s what happened and what it means this week in the NFC East:

New York Giants

What happened: If it feels like the Giants and Cowboys play Week 1 every season, it’s because they have; the NFC East foes have faced-off four of the last five opening weekends, showing an utter lack of creativity at the NFL schedule makers office. I blame television.
 
It was a see-saw match featuring six lead changes, mostly due to Dallas’ inability to get anything going in the Giants zone. The highlight for New York came with just over six minutes remaining: a 3-yard pass from Eli “The Only” Manning to Comeback Player of the Year candidate Victor Cruz, putting the Giants on top for good.

Dallas did have two more chances to get into field goal range, but failed to do so, and the Giants were able to not blow a game for the first time in the 2016 season.

For the Giants, the story is simple; they hung around all day, on the road, against a divisional opponent, and held on to a 4th-quarter lead for the victory. That’s something Giants fans can get excited about. Not Lets-stand-in-line-for-days-for-the-new-iPhone excited; more can’t-wait-till-that-movie-comes-out-on-netflix excited.

The feel good story was Cruz (no relation to the Zodiac killer) who played in his first NFL game in 700 days and had the eventual game-winning touchdown. That warm-and-fuzzy feeling lasted about one-point-four seconds before Cruz jumped into his patented salsa dance, which the NFL has missed about as much as a splinter through the ear stirrup. 

What it means: 

The stake in the heart of Big Blue in 2015 was the last-second losses, as the team blew five fourth quarter leads (an NFL record). So the fact that the Giants avoided discarding a late lead like a used K-cup should give confidence that this year, for sure, will be different.

Of course, if Terrence Williams had been able to get out of bounds with 7 seconds left instead of letting the time run out, the Giants could have choked another one way. The point is they didn’t, the Giants are 1-0, Dallas lost, and all is gold in North Jersey.

Winning against a divisional rival is always huge. Getting a few monkeys off your back in the process is just an added bonus, like finding fries at the bottom of the McDonalds bag or your neighbor not putting a password on their Wi-Fi. 

If you’re looking for a half-empty glass to drink; zero sacks for the Giants defense is a concerning stat and one to keep an eye on.

What’s next: A home game against Drew Brees and the 0-1 New Orleans Saints. The Gmen put 49 points on NoLa last season… and still lost. This should be a fun one even with less fireworks, which should come as a relief to JPP.

Dallas Cowboys

What happened:

It’s been said the hole in Cowboys stadium roof is so God can look down and watch the team play.

In the words of Bill Watterson, the Almighty must have a goofy sense of humor. Cowboys playmakers were forced to answer questions about whether sunlight coming into the stadium (albeit from the windows, not the roof) was to blame for a number of dropped passes. This included drops by consummate temper tantrum Dez Bryant, who had an impressive 1-catch-for-8-yards, the same number of catches Rodney McLeod had on Sunday.

Oh, and ROTY Lock Ezekiell Elliot had a yawn-inducing 51 yards on 20 carries, despite playing behind The Greatest Offensive Line in the History of Organized Sports. Even Joel Embiid finds that debut a disappointment.

Cowboys quarterback Dak Prescott, winner of the prestigious “Sam Bradford Ribbon for Preseason Achievement,” was good not great; the Cowboys owned the time of possession by over thirteen minutes, they didn’t have any turnovers, and they outgained the Giants in yard. The problem was they settled for field goals (and long ones) instead of touchdowns, having fantasy superstar Dan Bailey kick four times. When you do that, you’re going to give your opponent a chance for a comeback.

And while the popular goat of the evening was Terrence Williams, who couldn’t get out of bounds on the Cowboys last play of the game, the reality was they probably weren’t in field goal range anyway, even for Bailey. The Cowboys couldn’t get the yards when they needed them most, and they dropped an important divisional game at home as a result.

What it means: It’s never good to lose at home, and it’s never good to lose to a division rival. It’s a lot like getting robbed; sure you can console yourself by saying “well at least they didn’t get the safe where we keep the birth certificates,” but that doesn’t change the fact that you need to buy a new flat-screen.

And while it is just one loss, it’s not exactly a Skip Bayless sized jump to start questioning how tough this roster is mentally, or how prepared the coaching staff is to handle adversity. This team collapsed last season faster than a Jenga board on a rowboat floating through an EDM show. A short losing streak could quickly turn into a season-ending one, which would of course be wonderful and celebrated by the masses.

Again, the Cowboys were defeated this week by THE SUN. Like vampires. Is that not definitive proof these are the bad guys?

What’s next: Another divisional match-up, this time against 0-1 Washington. How important is this game? <Insert stat about how teams rarely make it to the playoffs after starting 0-2 here>

Washington

What happened: 

The Defending NFC East Champions came out on Monday night to prove last season wasn’t a fluke, and instead were beaten silly at home by the Pittsburgh Steelers. Sure, Washington had momentum early, getting out to a 6-0 lead with a pair of field goals. But just like Dallas, Washington couldn’t get into the endzone, and Pittsburgh eventually got right and took over.

The major turning point (if you can call it that) was a Cousins’ interception in the 3rd quarter. Five plays later, the Steelers were in the endzone courtesy of Antonio Brown’s second touchdown of the evening, giving Pittsburgh a 24-6 lead. Washington would get it back within one score but it never felt that close, and the Steelers walked out with a 38-16 victory.

Meanwhile, big name acquisition Josh Norman was relatively quiet. He wasn’t a Byron Maxwell level disaster by any means, but he didn’t exactly stop Big Ben and Co. from doing pretty much whatever they wanted through the air. To be fair, most of the Steelers offense came when they utilized the ingenious strategy of having Brown go to the opposite side of the field form Norman. It’s that kind of offensive cleverness that put Billy Davis out of a job.

Can we all agree a cornerback shouldn’t be considered elite unless they can cover both sides of the field? That’s like a diner saying they’re open 24-hours but they stop serving breakfast at 11:30. What’s the point?

What it means: 

It’s one loss at home to an AFC opponent; it’s not an ideal start, but it’s not a death-blow either, or even as painful a pill to swallow as Dallas dropping to New York. 

That being said, the biggest storyline for Washington this season is What To Do With Kirk Cousins, and Monday Night was a tally for the “Not Worth The Money” column. Don’t let the 30-for-43-for-329-yards fool you; Cousins was like a wobbly table in the cafeteria; just off enough that you feel like you could live with it, but driving you a little bit crazier with each and every move. 

Again, it’s only Week 1, and the Steelers bring a traditionally strong defense, so maybe it means nothing. But with his first offseason as the clear-cut starter behind him, Cousins was suppose to take The Next Step this season. Week 1 wasn’t the kind of film his agent will bring to the negotiating table.

What’s next: It’s Dallas week in D.C., as one of the Eagles divisional rivals will drop to 0-2 by the end of Sunday. So long as Dez doesn’t run to the opposite side of the field from Josh Norman, Washington should be in good shape.