This Week In Schadenfreude: Welcome Back, Notre Dame, We Missed You So

Back to Notre Dame, now just about fed up with Weis E. Coyote. At times like these, ND Nation, home of the most lunatic fanbase on the internet-and I have scoured the internets lo these many years to arrive at this conclusion-is the very essence of schadenfreude. Case in point:

From where I type this, I look out on a gray, overcast day. Gray, the color of ashes; ashes, the taste in my mouth.

I am thinking that next Sunday will likely to be no different. Navy will have lengthened the streak begun last year, our exhausted defense unable to cope with Navy's powerful Division II offense.

We've gone from "Notre Dame is Division II" to "Notre Dame cannot compete with Division II."

This guy's anger management issues are good for something, at least:

I embedded the remote in the wall next to the hole that I kicked last year over I don't remember what. Could have been a million reasons.

I drop-kicked the dog out the door for barking during a Clausen interception replay. It was a kick Maust would have been proud of, if he only he knew how to kick.

Thank god while the season is over, there are only three games left to endure.

His wall is going to look like Swiss cheese if Weis coaches the duration of his eleventy-billion year contract.

And just in case you needed reminding of why you hate ND:

Notre Dame football, among other things, represents the superiority of the indomitable spirit. We are the Catholic underdog, the Fighting Irish. We have a tradition of excellence in spite of so many who would deny it to us.

Use your hate! Let it flow through you!

Penn State's got three extra timeouts next week* but they've also suffered a last-second, game-winning Iowa field goal. Their national championship hopes are dead, but if one intrepid fan has his way he won't remember that:

Self Lobotomy instructions

Reply

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I just want to forget about this game. I woke up at like 4A after going to sleep around 12A and just cant stop thinking about it. How do you have and 18/19 play drive (cant remember which) and NOT get a touchdown? It's almost unfathomable.

... Still a great season, as I think PSU recovers and gets the Rose Bowl, but what a blown opportunity....Going to get my drill!

I had no idea Darren Aronofsky was such a big Penn State fan.

*(not really)

One of the most grimly epic games in recent college football approaches in two weeks: The Apple Cup. In this year's edition, winless, hopeless Washington State and winless, coach-less Washington will face off for the right to not be the worst team in Pac-10 history. Unless, of course, one of them wins next week. But let's be serious.

One intrepid internet person has summed up this upcoming battle of the titans so excellently that we have special authorization to resort to old meme:

If you don't know what this is all about:

1. Wow. I didn't know John McCain read the FanHouse.
2. For the love of God, John, don't google it.
3. Google is a popular "search engine."
4. "Search engines" are things to find other things on the "internet."
5. The "'internet"... aw, forget it.

Old people are old!

This is a little late due to a login-related snafu that locked out your intrepid correspondent for the past couple of weeks, but as you all know Tennessee fired longtime coach and program alum Phil Fulmer last week, then promptly lost to Wyoming.

I've mentioned UT blog Fulmer's Belly in this spot a few times before, as they adopted TWIS Coping Tactic #45 (have a psychotic break and pretend you're someone else) in entertaining fashion, and I'm going to mention them again, but for a different reason. They've done something I don't think I've ever seen before on the harsh, post-apocalyptic dust bowl that is the internet.

They were truly, openly sad their coach got fired. They redid the site colors all in black, dubbed themselves "the saddest site in sports... really :(" and vented:

Don already posted the sad news, and I felt the need to write something as well, but it took me a few minutes to stop crying log in to the site to write the post.

Honestly, this is sad on more than one front. Obviously, now this site is dead and no one will ever need to come back here ever again (in fact, what are you doing here now?). On the other hand, it's sad that basically one of the only to coaches I've ever known to coach for Tennessee (Johnny Majors being the other obviously), is now history.

I got nothing snarky on this one. I'm a little sad for Tennessee fans now, and my only interaction with Tennessee has been UT's laydown against Nebraska in '97 that cost Michigan half a NC, the Woodson-Manning kerfuffle from that same year, and getting housed by UT in the-yes-Citrus Bowl a few years later.

Syracuse 17, Rutgers 35. Cue the crying child:



Later, rinse, repeat.

BONUS: There's also this from "The Saltine Warriors," and, yea, verily it captures the spirit of TWIS:

F************************

...................... CUE THE CRYING CHILD.... OK, I'm gonna be honest.... I sure didn't watch this game. I was instead at the MELTDOWN WHEN TENNESSEE LOSE TO F********** WYOMING FOR HOMECOMING.

I'll analyze the stats for you tomorrow. I'm not happy. WTF.

Seriously. This SUCKS... I need a beverage.

Peace Greg.

Just when we thought the offensive coaching had turned the corner, Mullen calls a game where even I, being half-drunk, could recognize any play coming. There was simply nothing original about the game plan, unless the plan was supposed to look completely inept. Then again, it's not that original when you've been doing it all season.

The stats tell most of the story: four of twenty on third down and 98 total rushing yards. 98. That is the first time in seven years - SEVEN YEARS - that we failed to reach the 100 yard mark. Mullen deserves a pat on the back for that. Good job, buddy.

If you idiots at WVU are going to employ windowlickers for coaches in the WVU football prgoram, I either want my money back for the season tickets and gas I paid for to drove to morgantown to watch you TRY to play ball, OR I WANT YOUR JOB!

My stroke ridden grandfather could coach a high school team to beat Cinci! ! ! !! ! ! ! !

What a joke this is. What kind of coaching staff has a team like WVU and LOSSES to Cinci???? YOU STEW! GOLLY GEE!

If you, like me, are wondering what a "windowlicker" is, the Urban Dictionary's topmost definition declares it to be "A retard who sits in the back of the sunshine bus, licking the window whilst staring at you."

So there you go.

Ron Prince is fired and no one expected moribund Kansas State to stay with Missouri and Chase Daniel and etc., but holy pants, this is the saddest cheerleader ever. I can't actually post it because that's probably a newspaper photo and the suing will happen, but if you really hate Kansas State cheerleaders I urge you to click as fast as you possibly can.

Now that is some pure visceral sadness right there. Weber State fans angered by year after year of 600-0 blowouts at Bill Snyder's hands, drink deep.

You know, I looked, but the ACC is freakin' serene this week. Virginia lost, but the Sabre has nothing more entertaining than "a five million dollar buyout for Al Groh should be a fireable offense" which like duh. Maryland lost to Tech, which surprises no one except in the sense that whenever Maryland does something that makes any sense you're shocked. Clemson continues to flail but with Bowden out the door everyone's busy with the coaching search and couldn't care less about the rest of this year.

This is all I've got on Georgia Tech:

When Paul Johnson does his coaching evaluations after the season, one thing he will have to address is this special teams by committee coaching staff. When coaching special teams is your #2 priority like it is with all coaches involved in special teams, you get inconsistent to poor performances every week. Hire a special teams coach in '09.

And your other loser is Duke. So, yeah, I got nothing in the Conference of Low Expectations. Florida State needs to get hammered, and quick.