The fans of the Philadelphia Eagles will have a parade on Thursday, celebrating our first Super Bowl victory. It's a celebration of Doug Pederson, Nick Foles, and every man on this roster, and every Eagles roster before it. It is a day of good vibes, happy thoughts, and free beer. It is, quite simply, a day for Champions.
But hey, it's also fun to acknowledge there were some pretty big losers this Sunday.
There was Tom Brady, the sorest loser of all, who didn't shake Nick Foles' hand and showed that five Super Bowl rings can't buy you class. There was Cris Collinsworth, who maybe, just maybe, was secretly hoping the Patriots would get Numero Six. There was even President Trump, who's probably bummed his close personal friends won't be able to visit this offseason.
But there's no bigger loser than the New York Giants.
Sure, the Dallas Cowboys fans, with their two playoff victories in the past twenty-two years, have to be feeling pretty crummy. Same with Washington, who also has just two playoff wins in the past quarter-century. Watching Foles have more postseason success in a month than they've had in a generation is the sort of thing that will make a 75-year-old oil man scream into his pillow.
But there's no bigger loser than the New York Giants.
Giants fans have built their bravado for the past quarter-century on the idea of RINGS. Eli Manning has RINGS; it doesn't matter that he's a goof, or that he's handed out interceptions like hugs, or that he has the leadership qualities of a month-old avocado. Eli has RINGS, and he got them against Brady, Bill Belichick, and the New England Patriots, defeating the GOAT quarterback and the GOAT coach on the world's biggest stage, and being the only team on the planet who was able to make that claim.
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Well, the only ones, until Sunday night.
The Eagles Super Bowl victory diminishes the Giants only real accomplishment in the millennial age. Don't get me wrong; they still have two to our one, and four overall. I'm sure every Giants fan who fell back on the line ‘The Eagles have never won a championship!' in arguments the past thirty years will still be quick to point this out. Inarguably, they still have that (for now).
But it seems safe to say the sting of that sentence doesn't burn nearly as bad as it did a week ago.
Through all their bravado, Giants fans know the truth; since the turn of the millenium, our Iggles have owned them. I mean, OWNED them. We've owned them so thoroughly, we should have to pay John Mara a salary. The Birds are 25-14 against New York since 2000, and 12-4 since 2010. That includes knocking them out of the playoffs in the seasons before AND after there 2007 Super Bowl Championship. It includes the Brian Westbrook miracle return to kick-start the Birds season in 2003, and of course the Mike Vick / DeSean Jackson Miracle at the New Meadowlands. Shoot, let's throw the 61-yard Jake Elliott game-winner from earlier this week too, just for kicks (no pun intended).
Giants fans know the Birds have been better than them in every aspect for a while. Those two Eli Super Bowls have been the spray of Febreeze over what's been a pretty stinky franchise overall. They're 137-139 since 2000, and just 42-54 since the last Super Bowl win in 2012. That's despite having an (alleged) franchise quarterback in Eli Manning since 2004.
The Birds, meanwhile, are 172-115 since 2000. The truth is, the Giants stopped being scary to the Eagles the same time that Y2K did. All they've really had to hold on to is that they've beaten the Patriots in the Super Bowl.
Now they're not the only ones.
So enjoy the celebrations, Eagles fans, because there is so much to celebrate. The Balboa-esque story of No. 9, the reality that this team is here to stay, the fact that we finally get to buy these hideously ugly hats ($39.99? Worth it!)... or even just the free beer. There's plenty of reason this week to hug your loved ones, thump your chest, and scream PHILLY PHILLY at the top of your lungs.
The misery it causes Giants fans is just an added bonus.
