Uh-oh. New Report Suggests Alcohol Shrinks the Brain

Well, this is alarming news! Turns out a few too many weekly cocktails can actually lead to brain shrinkage! Now, it should be pointed out that a little brain shrinkage is normal as you age, but a new study in the Archives of Neurology (zzzzz) suggests that even moderate drinking can lead to lower brain volume.

But can we be absolutely certain that these findings have not been skewed by prejudice? Couldn't one also speculate that non-drinkers are the ones with the problem? Maybe their increased levels of stress and aggravation lead to brain inflamation. Maybe they're not shrinking at the rate they should be. Is it not standard scientific process to look at medical mysteries from all sides? It's just far too easy to wag the proverbial finger at the poor, beleagured drinkers every time a new study spotlights a difference between them and their teetotaling counterparts.

And, really, what's so bad about a nice, tight, little brain anyway? Bigger isn't always better, you know. We all like small waists, don't we? And small dogs are very nice when you live in the city. So what's the big advantage to having a bulbous, swollen brain pressing against the inside of your cranium? We can think of none.

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So do not be frightened by the reports, people. It's all just gray matter. And if nothing else, the study will make for good conversation with your friends tonight as you gather  together for your evening cocktails.

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