Penis Enlargement Thief Faces Stiff Sentence

“No, no, no – The penis enlargements are on me!"

Jose Amid Juarbe of Philadelphia decided to use the money he stole through identity theft to buy penis enlargements for himself and a friend, authorities say.

The Philadelphia man also allegedly paid for breast implants for two women, reports The Morning Call.

Generous guy, that Juarbe.

According to police, Juarbe got the money by stealing the identities of eight Lehigh Valley residents, making off with $88,000.

Juarbe allegedly bought residents’ personal information from an employee of the Dino Melendez Realty Co. in Allentown, Pa.

Along with the penis enhancements and breast implants, Juarbe also purchased furniture and motorcycles, said police.

Juarbe pleaded guilty in Lehigh County to 42 counts of theft and forgery this week and could face a maximum sentence of 246 years.

The sentence seems a bit rigid when you compare Juarbe’s crimes to, say, those of former Pennsylviania state Sen. Vince Fumo’s crimes. Juarbe is alleged to have stolen $88,000 and could easily spend the rest of his life in prison for it, while Fumo was convicted of stealing millions from charities and taxpayers and only got four-and-a-half years.

And there were never any reports that Fumo tried to buy anyone a bigger penis. Selfish, Mr. Senator. Selfish.

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