“Colbert Report” Spoofs Kid Banned from Local Library

Satirist Steven Colbert tells the story of the local 7-year-old "criminal" who was banned from his local library.

In a television segment satirist Steven Colbert calls “Nailed ‘Em,” in which “criminals get their due,” viewers were shown a real local criminal Monday: Seven-year-old Tatamy, Pa. native Dominick Philip.

“They caught me – just like that,” Dominick tells "The Colbert Report."

Dominick’s crime? He was reading books at a library that is not part of his taxpayer district. He was “found out” when a librarian saw his picture from the summer reading program in a local paper and the caption revealed that he was not from Nazareth – the location of his favorite library.

The librarian, who is no doubt related to Viola Swamp, felt it her Dewey Decimal-System duty to alert library officials of this breach in security and banned the young reader from the Nazareth Library.

The case is so ridiculous, even Colbert recognized that it was fodder worthy of national consumption.

“If there were no rules there would be just total chaos,” says “angry library lady” Leslie Burger in the “report.”

Among the self-incriminating stories Dominick tells the Colbert camera: The other day he read a chapter book in the car. Finished it before he got home. In 20 minutes.

“I love reading – this much,” Dominick says while holding his hands shoulder-width apart.

“He’s such a nerd,” his older sister says.

He loves it so much he marked the start of the library’s summer reading program on his calendar weeks in advance. The kid is a library’s dream.

"I'd say throw the book at that kid, but he'd just read it," Colbert says in the piece.

Nazareth Library officials did partially remove the card catalogues from their tightly clenched…and announced last week that Dominick will be able to use his library card there until the end of the year.

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Nailed 'Em - Library Crime
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