Are Youse Kidding Me?: Riding the E. Coli Express

Maybe kid poop took down the Roman Empire

Riding the E-Coli Express:  Here’s a news flash for you. I just saw a story about the dangers of grocery store shopping carts.  No, the carts themselves aren’t dangerous.  Unless you’re a parked car.   The focus of this news report is about a danger that’s in the carts.  

We’re talking about kids.  Very little, yet-to-grow up, toddler types.  Those little germ factories with runny noses, and diapers full of baby guano.  Which reminds me, the quality of the produce in most local supermarkets is disappointing, to say the least.  But that’s a screed for another day.  

So this story (featured on NBC News -- see the video to the left) is about germs that wind up on the cart where you carry your food.  The problem, it seems ,  is that parents put their little kids in those little seats in the carts.  And the toddlers do what comes naturally.  They leave behind loads of (family warning here) fecal matter and who knows what else.  

So think about it.  Kids & Their Poop.  You & Your Food.  Perfect together.  You see where this is going.  They take samples from the carts and send ‘em off to the lab.  And sure enough, they find enough WMD’s to take out the Fighting 88th Division.  We’re talking biological warfare.  And it’s in that cart you’re pushing around and loading up with stuff you’re gonna put in your mouth.  

So, there are a couple of solutions.  One, parents can bring their own portable baby seat—and hopefully when they leave the grocery, they take the baby and all of those deadly contagions with ‘em.  Or, customers (that’s you) can bring a portable Hazmat team.  

Or, you, Joe Customer , could wipe down the whole cart with some of those sanitizing wipes.  And the bonus there is your hands get that pleasing lemony-ammonia smell.  To  defuse  that smell you really will need a Hazmat squad.   

So that’s the story.  Bring sanitizing wipes to the grocery or risk your family’s health.  

Oh sure, those kids are cute.  But who knows WHERE that baby’s been.  OR where it’s going.  And that’s where NBC dropped the ball.  They forgot the big picture.  There are  babies  everywhere.  Touching stuff.   Your stuff.  

Maybe that’s what took down the Roman Empire.    Little Ceasar’s backside!   Sarah Palin has like, what, two dozen kids?   Look what happened to the Republicans.  Coincidence?  And how many Moms have you seen take their kids out of those shopping carts and plop them down on the counter when they’re checking out?   That’s where the real danger lies, or in this case, sits.  Mom, that kid’s backside is a toxic time bomb.  I’m begging you.  Get him off the counter before we’re all done for.  Me?  I’ll be out in the parking lot suiting up with the Hazmat guys.

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