Obama Dog Offers Too Little, Too Late

Delayed acquisition could damage Portuguese-American relations for a generation

Christopher Columbus "discovered" the Americas, much to the chagrin of the Americans who already lived there, and thus kicked off a quiet 500-year "cold war" of strained Amero-Portuguese relations. In the year 2009, can any resident of the United States name a famous living Portuguese person? No, because we know nothing of this alien kingdom squatting across the Atlantic. This is exactly as the Powers That Be have intended.

But now it's time for a thaw, and it seemed that Barack Obama acknowledged as much by admitting several months ago that he was considering adopting a Portuguese Water Dog.

Imagine the healing, after half a millennium of silence and strife! An actual Portuguese thing, living in the White House! It could have been the biggest diplomatic watersheld since Jimmy Carter solved the Iranian hostage crisis by adopting a Persian cat.

But as time dragged on, the world grew impatient. It seemed that President Obama, like so many American leaders, was just toying with the gentle and reclusive Portuguese. Maybe he would forsake their humble water dog for the flashy Labradoodle mutt. It would not be the first time President Obama went back on an important promise, such as the time he said he would get American troops out of Iraq in 18 months and then had to make it 20.

When the news finally emerged on Saturday that the Obamas had adopted a Portuguese Water Dog afterall, you couldn't blame the Portuguese for feeling a little disappointed. Allowing the news to leak on a Friday afternoon would have been even more insulting, but still: nobody follows the news on Saturdays. The Portuguese were denied their moment in the sun.

President Obama should know that you don’t forge lasting alliances with the Europeans by denying, delaying, and then downplaying. Expect relations with the Portuguese to reach a 500-year low point following this egregious insult.

Sara K. Smith writes for NBC and Wonkette.

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