Throughout our lives we have different roommates. Some are good, some are bad, some we can’t stand and some we wish we’d never see again.
Many advise to never live with your best friend otherwise you may end up hating each other in the end, but what about that “special” kind of housemate who has earned the title of boyfriend/girlfriend. With all the time you two spend together, their name might as well be on the lease. However, taking that big step could possibly change everything.
Are you willing to take the risk without an official commitment (meaning upgrading to Mr./Mrs. status) and can moving in together really make or break your relationship?
Matt:
Studies suggest that couples that cohabitate before marriage are more likely to get divorced or better yet, never make it down the aisle.
Maybe its because, when you finally get married, it becomes more of a formality -- a party and paperwork -- rather than a milestone in your relationship. That’s why if the two of you engage the idea to make the “big move” then get engaged! It will give your relationship some direction. Think of that ring as a compass. It will let you know exactly where you and your mate are heading.
When you finally do decide to live together, rent, don't share a mortgage. It will only become difficult if things don't work out. You'll either have to sell the house or buy the other one out and it can get very messy.
Next just have a joint checking account for house or apartment bills. No reason to burden each other with your personal debt. I doubt your mate wants to pick up the tab on your student loans and credit cards. Money and finances can ruin a relationship in a heartbeat.
As you get close to the big day, start house hunting. That way when you become the new Mr. and Mrs. blah blah blah, you'll start the marriage fresh in a new surrounding.
Now, if you believe living together is just a way to test the relationship, you have to realize that nothing is guaranteed. Even if you take what you think is the next step, be prepared that might not work.
We all have bad habits or some weird idiosyncrasies, which can even get underneath the thickest of skin. However, you have to determine what’s more important and decide if that thing that bothers you is a quirk you aren’t able to put up with or if this person is one you just can't live without.
Steph:
Luther Vandross may have had it right in his ballad "A House is Not a Home Without You" but that doesn't mean you should jump into something neither one of you are quite ready for.
Without proper planning, we make poor decisions. So know where stand with your mate. If the two of you are not on the same page on the direction of your relationship, don't think living together will all of a sudden have you singing the same song.
Deep in your heart if you know you're ready for a commitment like marriage, playing house is not going to speed up the process of getting to the alter.
Now I know you never truly know someone until you actually live with them, but that's part of the wonderful joy of marriage. Of course there will be times you can't stand the other person, but the only way you'll make it through is if there's a sacred commitment to one another that you both agree to never break. In most cases, that means exchanging rings and proclaiming some vows.
Don't sell yourself short. At the end of the day, only you know what's going to make you happy. Just remember, no matter where you lay your head at night, you have to be the one who's happy with the reflection you see in the morning.
Do you have a dating dilemma? Send Stephanie and Matt your story and questions and you may be featured on the next installment of Save the Date.
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