The phone rings, you get an e-mail or receive a text message reeling you back. Sirens are blaring in your head cautioning you not to go down that path again. Huge red letters appear in your mind warning—DANGER ZONE, DANGER ZONE! Immediately, you find yourself at a crossroads debating whether to follow your heart or your head. Perhaps you’ve been entertaining the “we’re just friends” cliché knowing good and well that flame never died. Do you think that past love has changed enough to start anew? Is it worth taking a detour from Lover’s Lane with that new love to trek down that old broken-hearted highway with your ex?
When dealing with the ex, consider my "Broken Vase Theory." At one point in time, you find the both of you horsing around the house acting careless. There’s very little regard to consequence. In fact, you both begin taking everything for granted, just an accident waiting to happen! All of sudden, for a split second, you take your eye off the ball, missing the toss, letting it tip off your hands. SMASH!!! The vase that symbolized your relationship crashes to the floor, SHATTERED into a million pieces.
Now the vase is not some rare artifact from the Ming Dynasty or a hidden treasure from the Antique Road Show, but it does carry personal value. So, this is where you have to decide, is it worth putting back together?
I’m sad to say no. Even if you decide to put the work in and patch things up, it will never be the same. One will always blame the other for the break and the damage is still apparent, no matter how you look at it. Cracks are visible, chips show pieces that are missing and it leaks like crazy, making it unusable. The only positive thing, before you toss it in the trash, there’s a chance it could serve another purpose. Not in the immediate future, but years from now you'll have a new appreciation for it. Once the bruised egos heal and insecurities disappear, you can put it back up on the mantle with a new title, friends...just without the benefits.
No matter if the initial break-up was amicable, be honest with yourself...your ex carries that title for a reason. Let’s say some time has passed and a new prospect is working their way into your heart, doesn’t that that person deserve a fair chance to cruise down the road to eventually “Saving The Date”? Take it from a woman’s point of view.
Rule 1: Once you’ve been lovers, you can’t be friends. After you’ve shared so much with a person both physically and mentally there’s no need to torture yourself by holding onto something that will lead you down a one-way street to nowhere! Tina Turner had a good point, “What’s love got to do with it?” Your sanity and peace of mind are worth so much more.
Rule 2: There comes a certain point in life when men and women can never be “just friends”. Spare yourself from unnecessary fights about your old crush with your new partner. Don’t let jealously sucker punch you out of happiness!
Rule 3: If you truly want to move on from past relationships, it's time to cut all ties with that old boo. This means telling he/she that it’s really over or putting up some serious roadblocks if you’re dealing with a stalker!
Steph and Matt: Having some relationship woes and need a little guidance from a male and female perspective? E-mail us so we can get you back on track to “Save The Date!!!”