Dear Sparks and Snarks,
So I have this friend, let's call her Alice, whom I've known for years. Let's say several years ago I slept with Alice, maybe twice, and nothing came of it. She started dating some guy and we remained friends. Over the summer Alice's sister came to visit. Alice was really excited for me to meet her sister and apparently her sister was very excited to meet me. Well, let's just say her sister seduced me. We'll call her Chief Joseph, because that's just fun for me. Now before I actually slept with Chief Joseph I talked to Alice to make sure it was okay with her. I think my exact words were, "If you don't mind, I'm going to make out with your sister." Then I did. Chief Joseph and I ended up having a torrid love affair before she moved back to Europe. Alice and I remained friends. Then, just before her sister came back for another visit, Alice starts telling me that I'm the one that got away and worrying if her sister is going to be closer to me than she is and saying that it would be weird if Chief Joseph and I got serious. I didn't really know what to tell her so I just reassure her and tell her that it could never get serious because Chief Joseph lives so far away. Well, when Chief Joseph came for her visit we had another torrid love affair and it kind of did get serious. As serious as things can get when one party lives across an ocean. I haven't really spoken to Alice since Chief Joseph left. I'm not really sure if I should tell her about our relationship. What are your thoughts? Also, is it trashy that I slept with two sisters? Does it help that they're not actually blood related?
-Sister Act II
P.S. Alice has a long term boyfriend.
Dear Sister Act II,
It's not trashy to sleep with the two sisters when it happens years apart and they clearly appear to have anticipated it. It's all about consenting adults. Now, on one hand, this is partly an issue between the two sisters. Have you discussed your concern with Chief Joseph? Because you should—she needs to know that her sister really cares about you as a friend so that she can suitably navigate her sisterly relationship with Alice (leave out the part about being the one that got away, that's for Alice to tell her). However, she shouldn't talk to Alice about this before you do, and you do need to talk to Alice about this. It could just sort itself out, but it might not, and you don't want your friend and the sister of your lover angry at you, right? So you and Alice get together for a drink and then you express to Alice that you genuinely care about her, that you didn't see this coming, but that you have developed more serious feelings for her sister. Do your best to be thoughtful and caring, because as I've said before in this column, no one likes to come in second even when they weren't intending to come in first.
Wow, I almost feel like I know you, Sister Act, what with you giving us new nicknames and all. It's cute though, and I much prefer "Snarks" to something like "Chief Joseph." Does your lover girl know you're referring to her as such? Or is that part of some little role-playing game the two of you were indulging in between your brief fling with her sister and her flight back across the Atlantic? At any rate, I don't think it's trashy that you slept with two sisters. Ill-advised, perhaps, but not trashy. What is trashy is lying to your friend about your feelings for her sister. Come clean, and do it soon. Keeping her in the dark will only make matters worse when the truth comes out, and it will come out sooner or later. Whether anyone wants to admit it or not, I think we all know you can't choose who you fall for. And while Alice may be hurt at first, eventually she'll remember this and (hopefully) forgive you. Do send a smoke signal to Chief Joseph to let her know you'll be informing her sister of your affair, so she doesn't continue to play dumb about the whole matter if Alice goes on the warpath after your little talk. There's no point stirring up any more drama in the tribe than you already have.
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