Welcome to Watch List, where we identify five things on TV to watch while you stay at home and figure out a way to bail Greece out of bankruptcy. Of course the Greeks went broke. How can you thrive with a fried calamari-based economy? It’s simply not realistic. LET’S GO!
DANCING WITH THE STARS – 8:00PM (ABC) Tonight, another contestant is shown the door. But, more important… GIPSY KINGS! AY! AY! AY! Yes, your parents’ favorite band to play while they host cocktail parties is here to seduce your ears with their sultry Latin rhythms. One taste of Bambaleo, and you are theirs forever! If I were in a mariachi band, you know what instrument I’d play? The really big guitar. You know the one I’m talking about. It’s like a regular guitar, only muy grande! I love that guitar. It goes awesome with a big hat. ANTICIPATION: VOLARE! OH OH! CANTARE! OH OH OH!
THE BIGGEST LOSER – 8:00PM (NBC) Tonight, Tony Romo drops by the fatties to give them words of encouragement. And I am sooo not gonna make a Jessica Simpson joke here. That would be in bad taste. Seriously though, contestants, you better drop that weight quicker or Tony will leave you for a foxy local TV news anchor. ANTICIPATION: OH NO! TONY FUMBLED THE RICE CAKES!
AMERICAN IDOL – 8:00PM (FOX) Tonight, Jamie “Bunz” Foxx drops in to mentor the Idols. His advice is infallible. 1) Always assume people want to hear you sing, because they totally do! 2) Surround yourself with a coterie of 50 unfriendly people at all times! 3) Make ludicrous demands of any nightclub you deign to enter! 4) Coast on your Oscar by making horrible movies and becoming the latter day Cuba Gooding Jr.! Sage wisdom, kids. You’d best follow it. ANTICIPATION: YOU AREN’T RAY CHARLES, BUDDY!
GLEE – 9:00PM (FOX) Tonight, Mike O’Malley guest stars. Because nothing spices up a musical comedy like the dude from “Yes, Dear.” Among tonight’s musical selections are “Jessie’s Girl” (shocked they didn’t do this already), U2’s “One” (will we see a buffalo run in really slow motion through the school halls?), and “The Boy Is Mine.” ANTICIPATION: OH NO THEY DI’N’T!
LOST – 9:00PM (ABC) Tonight’s episode is called “Across The Sea.” WHAT DOES IT MEAN! Is it a reference to the Weezer song of the same name, off their cult hit CD “Pinkerton”? Does the song “Pink Triangle” also figure into this? Triangle? ARE THEY IN THE BERMUDA TRIANGLE? IS THAT THE ANSWER? What are Locke’s real motives? Are Sun and Jin really dead? Or are they just Sideways dead? HOW DO THEY MAKE COTTON BALLS SO FLUFFY? So many questions. ANTICIPATION: GETCHOO! UH HUH!