Like you, I rely on public opinion polls to determine where I stand on virtually any issue. Is America on the right track? Do I support guns in school cafeterias? And who wore that red cocktail dress better: Claire Danes, or Kate Gosselin? (Danes, of course.) So it’s a bit dispiriting to see that a recent Harris poll has determined that your Philadelphia Eagles are no longer one of the ten most popular franchises in the NFL. Might a certain former dog-fighting enthusiast be to blame?
The Birds are ranked 13th, the first time they have been in double digits since being ranked 20th in 2003…
"For the casual fans, the knee-jerk reaction will be the change in the quarterback, which for most people, is the face of the franchise," said Dr. Aubrey Kent, the director of Temple's Sport Industry Research Center, which is not affiliated with the Harris poll. "The face of the Eagles franchise right now, is according to the Q score, the most disliked athlete in America."
Well, that hardly seems fair. That whole dogfighting thing was, like, years ago! Mike’s all better now! He even throws birthday parties and invites everyone to tag along, armed or unarmed! I thought you loved a comeback story, America! Paul Harvey told me so. And what about Stewart Bradley? He likes Arcade Fire, man. How can America resist him? And what about the all the cute ways Andy Reid butchers the clock each week? He’s so fat and clumsy! It’s like watching a Chuck Lorre sitcom.
I’m shocked this team can’t win more of your hearts, my fair countrymen. Especially given that the #1 team in this poll is… Dallas? Again? Oh, that’s horrible. So many things to hate about that team, especially now that we know they buy $55,000 steak dinners in a time of economic and social hardship. PETER KING SAYS YOU PEOPLE ARE PIGS!
Anyway, this Harris poll appears to be dependent almost solely on whether or not a team is winning lots of games. So if the Eagles want to improve their Q rating, all they have to do this year is win two Super Bowls and marry Sandy Bullock. I doubt that’ll be much trouble. Oh, and this poll means nothing. At all.