Punchlines ripped from the headlines

"Ho-Broken": Stewart Takes on Zimmer, McDonnell

"Ah, the old the governor-and-his-wife-get-you-to-pay-them-to-promote-your-dietary-supplement-grift," Stewart said.

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    "I didn't know diary entries had a B story," Stewart said.

    On "The Daily Show," Jon Stewart made jokes about political scandals involving  Hoboken, N.J., Mayor Dawn Zimmer and former Virginia Gov. Bob McDonnell.

    Stewart started off with McDonnell, who, along with his wife, has been indicted on criminal corruption charges for allegedly accepting gifts illegally.

    "Ah, the old the governor-and-his-wife-get-you-to-pay-them-to-promote-your-dietary-supplement-grift," Stewart said. "We've all seen this before, it explains the state's new motto: Virginia is for ten thousand milligrams of niacin."

    Next, Stewart showed a clip from "The Rachel Maddow Show" in which she mentions allegations that McDonnell received $15,000 for a catered chicken dinner for one of his daughter's wedding and another $10,000 for his other daughter's wedding.

    "What's wrong with the other daughter?" Stewart asked. "You're going to throw down $15,000 for some beautifully brazed chicken marsala for daughter number one and then daughter number two comes around, 'you get a cob salad and a juice box filled with pickle brine. That actually makes you thirstier. We've never liked you Charlene.'"

    In another clip from CNN, a newscaster mentioned the allegation that he received "30 boxes of an expensive anti-inflammatory."

    "Whoa! Now you're talking my language," Stewart said. "How does that back room deal go down. 'Oh you want help for your product? Well I'm gonna write a number down that's gonna get this done. It's the number to my pharmacist so you can call in a prescription and get the coated stuff. He knows the dosage.'"

    Stewart shifted gears (the screen graphic read: "The New Adventures of Old Christie") to discuss Mayor Zimmer's recent accusations that New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie's aides threatened to cut off Hurricane Sandy relief money to Hoboken unless she backed a development project.

    A clip played of Mayor Zimmer's interview on CNN where she commented about her journal entries about the alleged Sandy funds bargaining as well as her love for her husband.

    "I didn't know diary entries had a B story," Stewart said. "This has risen to the level of something that has to be brought to life on our show."

    Then, Stewart unveiled the segment "Diary of a Lady Mayor" in which correspondent Jessica Williams read mock entries of Zimmer's journal.

    "Dear diary, I met with the lieutenant governor today," Williams said. "She threatened to withhold the money we need to rebuild Hoboken. It reminded me of how much I wanted to go home and get Ho-bonkin' with my husband."

    Williams appeared again, reading a mock entry about the fact that Zimmer provided her journal entries to investigators.

    "Dear diary, today I feel positively Ho-broken," Williams said. "Thank god for you diary, my trusty outlet for recording things I'll later need to present as hard evidence. Speaking of which it's date night. wink, wink aroooga, huba, huba mommy likey. Thank you."

    Watch the clip below or through this link.