Break-Dancing Will Kill You
Practitioners constantly injuring bones, heads
By SARA K. SMITH
Updated 12:31 AM EST, Fri, Apr 24, 2009
Attention Americans: a grave public health threat looms. Toxic "vaccines," poisoned nuts, exploding roller coasters...none of these threats hold a candle to the devilsport known as "break-dancing."
Break-dancers are constantly fracturing their bones and splitting their heads open in their dangerous tango with death. Virtually no professional break-dancers, and only a tiny fragment of amateurs, manage to indulge in their sport without visiting grave injury on their persons.
A painful fate of maiming and despair awaits those vulgar youths who stand around outside on scraps of cardboard, painfully gyrating while shrouded in enormous pants and shirts, and spinning, pointlessly, on their heads to loud music. Parents, if you have children who break-dance, tell them to stop immediately. And if they don't, you might as well just give them a good clubbing on the knees. They'll accomplish the same effect on their own soon enough!
In interviews with 144 professional and amateur break-dancers, German researchers found that injuries to the spine, knee, wrist, shoulder and ankle were common, especially among professionals.
Not one of the professional breakers had an injury-free history, while only 4 percent of the amateurs did, the researchers report in the American Journal of Sports Medicine. Wrist and hand fractures, thighbone fractures, slipped spinal discs and concussions were among the acute injuries study participants reported.
Remember back in the day when people used to say, "Oh, haberdashery is a perfectly fine occupation! You get to make hats for people's heads, and play with mercury all the time!" or, "There's no harm working in an unventilated mine shaft 10 hours a day"? Break-dancing is the modern equivalent of haberdashery and coal mining, combined.
Most appallingly, the German study proves that using protective gear appears to have no effect on preventing injury, but that might just be because nobody actually uses protective gear. Why? Because most break-dancers are already too brain damaged to even know what protective gear is, let alone use it.
Professional waltzer Sara K. Smith writes for NBC and Wonkette.
Copyright NBC Local Media
First Published: Apr 22, 2009 6:32 PM EST
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