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Phanatic Pillow Pet Is Here to Terrorize Your Kids to Sleep

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    NEWSLETTERS

    Have you ever thought to yourself, "Boy, I love the Phillie Phanatic. If only I could find a way to sleep on top of him?"

    Well, you’re in luck, because the good folks at SV Sports are now offering fans a Phanatic Pillow Pet. Because what child wouldn’t love to rest his head on the mascot that’s been horrifying toddlers since 1978?

    The pillow retails for just under 30 bucks. You can also get a Yankees teddy bear pillow pet, if you happen to be a terrible person.

    I actually think the Phanatic one is much cuter. I think the reason the Phanatic scares so many kids away is because of his size. It looks like a monster is coming to eat you and your kin. But shrunk down to pillow size, the Phanatic cuts a far less imposing figure. Kinda looks like a Whoozit.

    It could be an excellent transitional toy for your child, to prepare them for seeing the actual Phanatic at the ballpark. That way, they don’t go into the thing cold. You need to take baby steps when subjecting yourself to a giant green space alien who looks like he stews children in boiling oil.