One of the biggest stories coming into this Phillies season is the fact that the Miami Marlins have decided to try being a good team that, like, has fans. As you know, the Marlins have spent the majority of their existence as a cheapskate team that won two titles seemingly out of sheer luck. That’s all supposed to change this year, thanks to a new stadium (which only seats 37,000 people), a new name, new uniforms, a new manager who likes to curse, and a raft of expensive free agent talent. But I dunno. It still doesn’t feel like they’ve done quite enough to become major market players, you know? They need a little something extra. Something that lets people know THEY ARE THE MARLINS.
I’ve got it: a song! A fight song! A really, truly awful fight song. The folks at the 700 Level posted the studio cut of “We Are the Marlins!” along with a full lyric sheet, and it’s every bit as horrible as you would expect. There’s no chorus anywhere to be found here. No catchy refrain. But they do rhyme “Marlins” with “Darlins,” which is cute. The music has just enough of a generic Latin feel to make you wistful for J-Lo’s debut album. Overall, it’s a tidal wave of suck.
I don’t know why teams keep doing this. The Mets tried unveiling a new fight song a few years back and everyone hated it. Prince wrote a fight song for the Vikings back in 2009 and everyone hated it. People HATE new fight songs, because they were clearly conceived by the team’s marketing department and recorded in the karaoke studio at a local amusement park. You can’t create a grass roots fan movement with this kind of thing. It has to happen on its own, otherwise everyone will see right past it. If the Phillies had released a fight song called “Boo Everyone” back in the day, Phillies fans would have resisted. They had to learn how to hate the other team on their own. One day, the Marlins may learn. But for now, they’re trying just a little bit too hard.