With the second half of the season set to kick off on Friday the 13th, the Phillies will have their work cut out for them as they look to get back into the race and hope to reach their sixth straight postseason. So before they get back at it in Colorado on Friday evening, let's take a look at some second half predictions that will go horribly, horribly wrong.
The Phillies will go 57-18 down the stretch and will win the National League East - They say every baseball team will win 60 games and lose 60 games, and that the season will be determined by what happens in the remaining 42. Long shot? Sure, but before the season started, I predicted that the Phillies would win 94 games, so all that needs to happen is for the Phillies to play the best baseball of their lives for the next two and a half months. That's...possible?
Ruben Amaro Jr. will activate himself and start in left field – Many of you might not remember, but our illustrious General Manager used to be a professional, honest-to-goodness Major League baseball player, where he split time with three teams – including the Phillies – from 1991 to 1998, where he tallied 16 homers and a .663 OPS in 485 games. That shouldn't stop him from suiting up in the second half to give some much needed depth (and a bit more power) to the outfield. Despite being 47-years-old, the switch hitting Amaro should still prove to be more of a home run threat than Juan Pierre.
Cole Hamels will be traded for a heap of prospects, retire, and re-sign with the Phillies – In a brazen act of loyalty that is rarely scene in professional sports, the Ace lefty – upon being traded to the Texas Rangers for a bevy of young sluggers before the July 31st trade deadline – will retire moments before his first start as a Ranger. As Texas reels from losing a large chunk of its farm system, Hamels will return to the Phillies, but in an effort to skirt MLB's bi-laws regarding player reinstatement, he does so as a right-hander named Buck Rockson.
Phillies fans will get regarded as well reasoned and great ambassadors of the game – After decades of being treated as pariahs of the sports, fans from Philadelphia will finally get recognized for their passion, loyalty, and dedication to their team instead of their past transgressions. As such, media outlets will no longer refer to the Santa Claus incident, and that time that guy vomited on that girl will be nothing but a faded memory. Cities all across the land will unite and admit that each fanbase has a handful of bad apples, and that it is not fair to unfairly call out Philadelphia for their boorish behavior.
Cliff Lee will continue to pitch well, and people will look past his lack of wins as they are not a function of talent – Just kidding, people will think that he is bad because he gets no run support during his starts.