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Cholly's iPhone Can't Save the Phillies

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    Charlie Manuel is, understandably, frustrated with the way the Phillies are playing and the fact that the injuries are piling up. So is everyone.

    But Manuel got so frustrated that he apparently went looking for answers inside his iPhone, checking with the voice-recognition software and generally-ignorant automated-sounding voice known as Siri.

    A reporter started checking out his iPhone and, according to the Delaware County Times via Dave Brown at Big League Stew, Manuel asked if he was trying to check in with "Sirius."

    "What are you trying to get Sirius up there?" Manuel asked as he looked at a reporter's iPhone. "Ask Sirius to marry you. She'll say, 'I don't understand that.' I talk to her every now and then. She don't understand baseball neither. I'll say, 'What's wrong with this guy?' And she'll say, 'I don't know what you're talking about.' She doesn't understand."

    Now, obviously, it's "Siri," not "Sirius." Sirius is the satellite radio in your car. Siri is the annoying beep thing that happens when you hold the home button too long on your phone.

    But that only makes the quote more endearing -- Mrs. Brinson has requested that I read it to her three times today already. Of course, Mrs. Brinson wasn't quite as happy when I asked Siri, at full volume, some questions about the Phillies.

    Like, "What's wrong with the Phillies?"

    Obviously, Siri can't fix the Phillies. Only Chase Utley can do that. So I checked in with her to find out when he'd be back:

    Again, no help.

    But that shouldn't be surprising. About the only thing Siri's actually good for is telling you where to hide a dead body. (And no, one of the options is not "in the Phillies lineup.")

    Although given Cholly's success rate this season, she might be able to manage the bullpen better. Surely she'd know when to use Jonathan Papelbon.