It’s Time to Play the Schedule Game

We are mere days away from the Eagles opener against the Packers, and I’m so excited I can barely tell time. In fact, the closer we get to Sunday, the slower the days seem to pass. It seems like the games are an interminable distance away. I can’t wait that long for football. I need it NOW. Or I need methadone to keep the urge at bay. There’s just so little to do up until that moment. I guess I could talk to my kids or do charity work…

Oh, screw it. Let’s play the schedule game. You know how this works. We go down the schedule and we pick every game the Eagles play. It’s what you do when you’re listening to sports talk radio in the middle of a Wednesday afternoon with nothing to do. Say, that describes today precisely! Here we go:

Week 1 vs. Green Bay: The Eagles are home underdogs to the Packers, who are a trendy Super Bowl pick. It’s the perfect place to pick the Eagles in an upset. And I totally would, if I had any courage or gumption. But I don’t. Verdict: LOSS

Week 2 at Detroit: This is the first of a relatively easy three-game stretch for the Eagles. And these are games they have to win, because the schedule at the end of the year turns absolutely brutal. The Lions are gonna beat some teams they shouldn’t this year. Pray it isn’t yours. Verdict: WIN

Week 3 at Jacksonville: Could you make the trip down? They could use more than five fans in that stadium. Verdict: WIN

Week 4 vs. Washington: McNabb Bowl I will be played here in Philly, and I fully expect the Redskins to still be figuring everything out by this time. Joey freakin’ Galloway is one of their starting wideouts. That’s bad. Verdict: WIN.

Week 5 at San Francisco: The near unanimous pick to win the NFC West, and the week of Westbrook Bowl I. The Eagles are better on paper, but I think the trip across the country wears them down. Verdict: LOSS

Week 6 vs. Atlanta: Another tossup game against a foe with a winning record from last year. I have no clue what to make of the Falcons, but I do know they can be passed on. Verdict: WIN

Week 7 at Titans: Your first look at Cop Speed Johnson. Verdict: LOSS

Week 8: BYE

Week 9 vs. Indianapolis: Andy Reid is unbeaten coming out of bye weeks. Yeah, that’s gonna end. Verdict: LOSS

Week 10 at Washington: This is McNabb Bowl II, and I think the Eagles will be hard pressed to sweep their former QB this year. Donovan’s too proud to let that happen. Then again… Galloway. Verdict: LOSS

Week 11 vs. Giants: We’re at 4-5 right now and the final stretch of this season is a killer, with four divisional games packed into seven weeks. The Giants will be better than last year, when they collapsed down the stretch. Call it a split. Verdict: WIN

Week 12 at Chicago: Late in the season is always a good time to get gifted five picks from Jay Cutler. Verdict: WIN

Week 13 vs. Houston: Here’s an interesting scheduling break for the Eagles. They’ll play five teams outside of their division that had winning records last year. They get all five of those opponents at home. Nice how that works out. Verdict: WIN

Week 14 at Dallas: We’re at 7-5 now, but these final four games aren’t kind to the Eagles at all. They’ll need a good start to the season to ensure they’re in playoff contention, because they could easily drop three of their last four. In fact, that’s precisely what I have them doing. Here’s one. Verdict: LOSS

Week 15 at Giants: Here’s two. Verdict: LOSS

Week 16 vs. Minnesota: And here’s three. And just like that, you’re 7-8. Verdict: LOSS

Week 17 at Dallas: I think Dallas is mildly overrated and will have crummy luck with injuries this year. I think they’ll split with Philly, but I think that revenge win will be too little, too late. Verdict: WIN

So there you have it. 8-8 and out of the playoffs. I think it’s fair to expect an inconsistent season from a team this young. There has to be some leeway given to Kevin Kolb and the rest. At least this season. If they don’t win the division next season? Yeah, you go right ahead and drown them in the ocean.