Save the Date: "Love Wanted"
By MATT MAIORANO and STEPHANIE NELMS
Updated 1:49 PM EST, Mon, Jul 6, 2009
It starts with you accepting this temporary position with the potential for something full time in the future. The catch is, you have to go through some sort of probation period.
In this screening process you'll be evaluated on your performance, how you interact with other people, your dependability and whether you can make an overall excellent addition to the team. The problem is, a lot of time passed and the powers that be haven't given you any indication of your status.
In your mind you feel you’ve gone above and beyond of what was expected. You’ve even been putting in some OT on the weekends just to prove you’re the right one for this gig.
It kills you to be in limbo.
You are happy with where you are, but you do want some stability in your life. Should you start to look for something more permanent with a better benefit package or hold out until they finally come around and make you an offer?
Matt:
You have every right to speak up. Don't be afraid to ask.
You have to have “The Talk” and can't just assume since a lot of time has passed it’s now officially common law. Especially, if you are sleeping with each other or spending way more time together and you would like for your moonlighting days to be over.
I’m speaking out of metaphors here… well kind of.
Find out their big picture. Negotiate the longevity of the relationship and let it be known you would like something more long term. They may not be aware that it is an issue.
If they’re bothered by you blowing the whistle and decide to let you go, then you'll at least have closure. But hopefully it will all simply work and there will be some room for advancement. Good Luck!
Steph:
Your love life may have taken a few setbacks, but that doesn’t mean you can’t avoid “The dreaded Talk” just because you don’t want to mess up a good thing.
Forget about the yearly review. That’s very taxing & way too much time to be putting into someone if they obviously aren’t on the same page. Clarity is extremely important. Promote yourself to a higher level and leave the guessing games at the door.
Know what kind of flight risk you’re dealing with. Don’t start the convo off with the infamous “we need to talk” line. Open up saying things you like about the person -- let them know how much you’ve enjoyed spending time with him/her.
Don’t want to put yourself out on the chopping block? Flip the script and ask what they think about the relationship potential between the two of you.
Whatever that person’s response – LISTEN. You can’t make someone want to be with you if they’ve already said they’re not looking for commitment.
Do you have a dating dilemma? Send Stephanie and Matt your story and questions. You may be featured on the next installment of Save the Date.
First Published: Jul 6, 2009 12:36 PM EST
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